F-ck You Tasty Brownie!
After an expensive surf short and surf shirt shopping spree at Old Navy (don’t judge me bitches), I sauntered on over to my no-longer fave jazz cafe in Clinton Hill, Brown Betty Cafe. I hadn’t been there in a while and I when I went back, I realized why. One would think I would be able to commune with my kindred, a lesbian and owner of the establishment, but she’s a special case. As told by one of her waiters, she kicked a woman out for bringing in a baby, insults the customers and is generally ornery. So why do I come back for punching back seconds? If those lemon waffles with chicken apple sausage and delicious gourmet brownies hadn’t bewitched me like a Bayou voodoo priestess, I would have stayed away. Still the remnants of satan’s eyelash aka the owner and her perpetual path of destruction has snowballed since my last visit. All the waiters abandoned her and now, instead of getting my food in one hour with a frown, I get them in a hour plus with creepily forced chat and a falsetto “thanks for coming in”. I was afraid. Still, the fun didn’t end yet. She decided to interrogate me about my hiatus from her establishment. I tend to be honest to a fault but this required quick thinking. Like my former VP’s catch phrase, I had to “hit the ground running” and invent a work snafu or 12 and a faux “busy life” that I never had. Even the caramelized banana halfs couldn’t ease the pain and the carefully placed napkins couldn’t wipe the filth of her fakeness from my hive-filled skin…Still I plan to go back next week. The brownies are delicious!
Your best yet! So funny, so pithy, I was really THERE, eating the brownies with you! You are SUCH a writer – are you sure you have chosen the right new career??!! BB